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Show Up - Don't Give Up!

When working with male dv offenders in group it is important that facilitators are respectful, hopeful, and careful. We are on a journey together with these men and to be effective agents of change, we must ‘walk the talk’. Male facilitators are role models as respectful non-violent non-coercive men, who will challenge violent beliefs and behaviours in our groups for group members. Male facilitators, as allies of women, are taking a stand (professionally and personally) against men’s violence towards women and children. Below is a sequential framework I use to outline the steps men need to take in choosing non-violence over violence, in choosing respect over disrespect, in choosing change over ‘same old, same old’, in choosing safety over harm, in choosing love over coercive control. It is a long journey fraught with pitfalls and precipices, but it is a journey we must understand and undertake. My belief is that we as male facilitators must take this journey too with self-awareness, self-reflection, and self-transcendence. ( Maybe it is a journey all men need to take, in some form or other). If we are not on this journey of change, how can we be authentic in encouraging men who use violence to join us. How can we hold them to account if we are not holding ourselves to account? How can we be authentic and tenacious role models otherwise?

1) Show up

2) Face up

3) ‘Fess up

4) Wake up

5) Wise up

6) Clean up

7) Grow up

8) Rise up

9) & Don’t give up!

Because the time’s up and we are fed up with men’s violence and abuse and control tactics and a script that condones harms and hurts women and children and holds them back from living safe and free lives, which is a human right. This journey of change leads to men being remorseful for the harm done, respectful to women and children, responsible for their own actions, reflective about the change they need to make, reliable in being always safe in intimate relationships in the future.

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